Alien invasion?

Sheriff Francis is arousing suspicion spending loads of time holed up in the office lately. So much time that members of his command staff have had to step up and manage the department in his absence.

Obviously the situation is a boon to the department as the staff can now anticipate rational objectives and clear decision making with a greatly reduced risk of lawsuit, death or whacky radio appearances.

The question remains, what has Francis got against sunshine?

The stuff makes Tom's plants grow and that alone should be of sufficient benefit for the Sheriff to endorse sunshine but in his office he remains. Sunshine means many things to many people but to us it means puppy breath and honesty and its essential to democracy.

We took the question to the streets to find out what every day people in the street might suggest as a probable explanation. We'll be posting the results of our findings tomorrow below is our scientific method.

Unfortunately the first few people we dragged out into the street were hit by speeding vehicles and as a result nobody else would come out there to talk to us so we retreated to a sidewalk table at Molly Brennan's to have some Irish grub and talk to the survivors.

We divided the respondents into three groups, those who hadn't heard of the Sheriff or just stood around looking at us waiting for something interesting to happen, those who had heard of the Sheriff but were too fearful of Francis' propagandist blog henchmen to even speak to us and those who had heard of Francis and were willing to respond.

To remain unbiased and obtain a quantifiable result we asked the same questions of each person.

Here are questions we asked:

1) Why do you think the Sheriff hates America?
2) Is he hiding from someone or something?
3) Is it possible the Sheriff is from the planet Albinoron and can only survive for a few hours

in the sun without the incredibly rare and expensive SPF 9999 treatment that allows him to move around in daylight?

Planet Albinoron where the sun only rises for 13 minutes every 13 months.

These important question must be answered without delay as the worst case scenario is that we may be in the early stages of an alien invasion and our delays could spell the demise of everything near and dear to the hearts and minds of Lake countians everywhere- if not the world.

Francis' family album?