Churchlady Pokes beehive

Seems one a the local church ladies has earned the wrath of the bufoons at the nexus of Bilduhbongers and Ignorami

who believe they've identified her from a blog post. Wowee, wow wow wow. All the sweet little thing did was write down a few critical words about Francis and stand by her man, thank you Tammy, but evidently those ignoble protectors of the public trust... oops shit just snorted some Old English all over the keyboard ... don't have anything better to do than protect people from harrassment by the Sheriff by blabbing enough to prevent any retaliation and virtually ensure a lawsuit if anything naughty happens to her squeeze?

Two problems with this, first off, she doesn't work for the Sheriff and 'B' she mostly doesn't need protection from you because she's got GAWD on her side. Yep that's right. Anyway, I dialed the church lady and asked her what she thought Francis might be worried about. She was really nice and offered me some cookies but since I was on the phone I had to turn em down since I learned a long time ago you can't stuff baked goods into the phone and have em come out right. Just doesn't work.

We chatted about scripture and shit for a while and I was starting to get bored when she finally said something that made some sense right before I hung up on her. "Who do you suppose stuffed Satan's tic-tacs into Francis' waistband back there in Florida, could it be Satan?"

I sat around thinking about what she'd said and it started making me nervous. What if Francis' blog propagandists really were dangerous or worse, what if they were demons from hell coming after anyone that looked sideways at their messiah?

Hers were words worth considering I suppose, but then I'm fairly gullible, so I went out back to my secret man-grotto, where I keep all my porn and other prized possessions, to get my spare holy handgrenade of Antioch but couldn't find the flashlight so I was in there groping around for a while but finally wrapped my fingers around it, raised it and uttered the necessary prayer "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy."

Then I came back into the singlewide to put it in a safe place in case the hellspawn were to come knocking on my door when I looked down and noticed that instead of the prized religious artifact I'd picked up a piece of dogshit I'd been hanging on to for a while. Who knew that dogshit got fuzzy with mold if left unattended?

So here I sit, totally unarmed and scared witless, my pulse racing and my heart feeling like its gonna leap out of my chest kinda like what happens when I snort too much speed. Thanks a bunch churchlady you totally wrecked my appetite for Sunday service and I used to enjoy hanging out near the church since I figure you got pretty good odds of witnessing something special, like a virgin maybe, or at least getting a snack when they do communism.