Francis the Unicorn Hunter

Ever really want something but not get it because it just doesn't exist? I do that a lot, probably more than I should but these days I can better afford a really active imagination than the cooler creature comforts of life like food for example.

Unicorns puke rainbows

Francis is kinda like that too.

Seems he's decided the next phase of operation 'screw with the useful paradigm' is to figure out some way to stop Donny DA from finishing up his new homework assignment. Donny DA's new homework assignment is a special research thing that has to do with Francis shooting a doorjamb when he was trying to ventilate some guy he'd been sent to check on. I guess they call those welfare checks or something and I never knew the point of a welfare check was to shoot somebody or their house so I'm hoping nobody ever gets worried enough about me to call Francis.

Anyway Donny found out Francis wasn't really clear on what happened when he shot at that guy and I guess that's not good when you're a cop. At least its not good if you are so unclear on what happened that you can't tell the same story twice or something. Or maybe Francis screwed up when somebody like Skip Lingenberry gave him a ride back to reload and told him to tell a different story before heading back to finish off the rest of the doors at that guys place. Skip really hosed Francis though since if you're a cop you have to tell the same story no matter what.

The way it all came to a head is Donny DA knew Francis had made up part of what happened and did some kinda deal where it gets more serious but Francis didn't like that so he wants him to stop. My TV was turned off though so I missed the whole deal on TV8 so I had to watch that video on the long story place. I was jazzed they had a video because all those big words make me dizzy and I have to eat something to make my head stop spinning.

Fortunately the Spelunker's legal department was able to explain what Francis meant when he said if they didn't stop Donny he'd go get a "writ of mandate to prohibit the DA from his intended actions."

They told us that meant that Francis really, really wants the board of soups to stop the DA from completing his homework. But supposedly the soup can't stop Donny DA from doing anything or something like that and so that's Francis' mythical rainbow pukin' unicorn so maybe he really meant something else like when he changed his mind about why he shot that guys doorjamb.

But it gave me an idea.

I figure I can do the same thing and buy a house because when the bank says they want to investigate whether I can afford to pay for a house I'll just say nope, I'm getting a writ of mandate and stopping you, or else.

But first I'm gonna wait and see if it works for Francis.

Tune in next week after Francis rings the bell for round two with the soups to see if they'll give him the money to hunt for his unicorn or whatever it is he really wants a lawyer for.