Tom's Big Pole

Remember those guys who always had to compensate for some shortcoming so they got big fast cars, revved the engines up real loud and screeched around like mutated flying monkeys on speed? Yah those guys.

Turns out some of em were using steroids and it shriveled their nuts so bad their tighty whities fit kinda loose.

Other guys were just naturally handicapped so it wasn't their fault they had something to prove.

Our own federally convicted drug criminal Tom Cartel is like the second type, it isn't his fault and he wants everyone to know it but he doesn't really want to drive around in a hot rod since that would be so 80's.

Cartel was clearing some land for his garden far away from the noise and bustle of the task force helicopters and discovered he'd made kind of a mess. He didn't want to just leave all the stuff there, some folks might call it evidence, and as he stood there looking at the virgin growth redwood trees he'd just slaughtered and puffing on a reefer he had an idea.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Creative uses for dead trees.

Tom decided he'd find somebody dumber than him and convince them some of those slaughtered redwood trees might make good symbols of peace. What could possibly better symbolize peace than redwood trees brutally murdered in the pursuit of material gain through growing illegal drugs to sell to children, he'd just leave that part out and tell folks he 'found em.'

Kinda like when I was a kid and found my dad's metal grinder and used it to liberate a bike I 'found' that some control freak had chained up to the library fence. I found it, it was mine.

Tom figured once he found some other rebel without a clue he'd plunge those trees into the ground so everybody could see what a big pole he has.

Around the same time, idiot-point-one was trying to figure out how to raise some money without actually having to do another fund raiser so they gathered their collective heads, nearly got a rock pile together and chose one of the most violent, divisive times the county had ever known and call it the summer of peace so they could go around asking everybody for money.

So they got Tiara San Jawn to be the patsy and go around asking for money so she could declare this summer the summer of peace. But Tiara wasn't content to simply call it the summer of peace and hold hands around a campfire singing like most folks do because that wouldn't mean any money for idiot-point-one.

She huffed and she puffed and went around to all the local offical type folks and asked them for some cash so she could throw one big shindig and call it the summer of peace.

Much to her surprise, they all said no.

Tiara had to figure out some way to pull off her plan since it didn't look like she was going to get to take tax dollars that pay for stuff like parks and such for her peace thing.

Enter Tom Cartel. Who better to celebrate something as nonsensical as the summer of peace when the county is at war than one of the main thugs?

And Tom likes the idea since it means he can stuff his pole into a crack and show everyone how big it is.

Then after summer time the cops can show up and rip out Tom's and everybody elses plants so they don't have to mess up all those peace pipes they buy this summer.

Nothing says peace like killing redwood trees and guarding pot plants with rifles and pitbulls.