We can say with absolute certainty what lots of us have thought for a while - Ranger Francis doesn't like being told what to do by anyone - or anything. While there are lots of times that this has happened and he's stuck to his principles this last time sure showed us.
Recently Ranger Francis found himself subject to the demands of an overzealous and possibly racist, GOB gas guage. Not one to be told what to do, Francis just kept on driving until he found himself standing along the side of the road with a dead cop car.
Driving a police car is heady stuff and takes great responsibility so luckily his presence as the top law enforcement officer in the good old US of A wasn't required while he stood there in the sun.
Five minutes earlier the scene looked entirely different... "Hey what's that up there, Francis thought to himself, that kinda looks like one of my cruisers." So he did his mental checklist, silently ticking off all the clues he'd learned from a video some kind hearted soul had posted on the tubes.
"Light bar... check!"
"Radio antenna... check!"
"Sheriffs logo on car door... check!"
"Uniformed officer seated at the wheel... check!"
"Looks about right, he thought, but I better call in the plates to be sure." "Hello Dispatch?" he grumbled into his radio. "Yes, Sheriff, this is Dispatch." "I need to run the plates on a vehicle to see if it's one of mine." "Alrighty Sheriff, remember last time, does this one have a lightbar, radio antenna and a logo on the door?" "Yep, its got all that stuff and somebody that looks familiar is sitting in the driver's seat with a uniform on too." "Okay then Sheriff, that sounds like one of ours, probably not necessary to run the plates at this point." "Damnit! Did I ask you to tell me what to do or did I tell you to run those plates?" "Alright Sheriff, we'll run those plates ... why yes indeed that is a Sheriff's department vehicle."
Ranger Francis then hung up the phone and decided to follow the deputy to observe what rules they were doing wrong so he could start an IA and get that GOB the heck outta here, whoever he is. Pressing down hard on the gas pedal to catch up he thought to himself "odd, the car is slowing down when it should be going faster... now its stopping, WTF?!"
Rolling to a stop on the shoulder he pondered what could possibly have been done to sabotage him and he thought back to the flashing light on the dashboard that had been trying to get his attention for the last half hour. "Could that have been a warning?" After turning it over in his mind several times he realised the only possible explanation was that somebody had fiddled with his car to make it run out of gas. "I'll file an IA on this car to sort this out."
But the fuel crisis wasn't his most pressing problem, he was on his way to pick his kid up from school and now he had to figure out what to do. Can't call a deputy to bring a gas can because they're all in on the prank he thought. "I know, I'll call one of 'the handlers,' they always know what to do." So he dialed his phone and called Olga but she didn't answer. Then he called Tommy but Tommy was getting his hair permed and couldn't break away. Next he called Bruce but Bruce had been tipping em back and didn't want to chance another DUI even if Francis said he'd take care of it.
His last plea was to call 'the pill' and when pill answered Francis could tell right away he'd been out in the yard doing something. "Hey Pill, this is Francis, I need a favor." "What's that Francis?" "Well I need you to come down here with a gas can because something has been done to my cruiser and now its out of gas." "Unh, yah Francis, I'd love to, really I would but I'm out here, uh, tending my roses." "C'mon Pill, I'm gonna file an IA and I'll need your help to leak the information." "Unh, yah Francis, that sounds really tempting but I'm gonna have to come meet with you later on to find out about that IA, maybe next time"
So Francis hung up once again and reconsidered calling a deputy since they do this all the time but decided instead to call Uncle Stinky's Snooz-A-Stop and Tow Service instead and they said they'd be right out.
An hour later the driver from Stinky's rolled up to find Francis angrily cursing at his car and towed him back to get some gas. Next time your laughing at Ranger Francis for his rookie move consider that lots of people run out of gas every day. Usually blondes and teenagers but it could happen to you too if you don't pay heed to the idiot gauge.
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