Hats are In

The Beatriz

Spelunkers everywhere have been troubled by the new Sheriff uniforms. Not so much because Francis changed 'em for the wrong reasons but because he just didn't go far enough. I get that he wants to look cool like a Park Ranger but the baseball caps just don't work for me. So I did some research and came up with a few suggestions.

Granted some of these maybe aren't the most authoritative hats for a cop to wear when he's busting a drug house, shooting out door jambs, dodging bullets from other cops or whatever but they all make a much stronger fashion statement and Francis did say he's all about style some of them are fantastic for greeting visiting dignitaries when they travel across the pond.

We assembled the spelunkers fashion consultants and assembled some hat choices that might be more suitable than those shabby old crank dealer baseball caps.

 
First we have the formal hat, this stylish hat can be worn at formal dress up things that cops go to like the Policeman's ball or whatever.

Frank Campaigning

Here Francis is seen campaigning in the Beatriz hat on loan from the Royal Family.

Now that hat makes a statement! And at just over $120,000 its a bargain. Too bad Francis messed up the whole Indian money thing or he could have had three of these.

A more affordable yet sophisticated hat is this Junior Reckless Ranger hat donned by Junior Reckless Ranger model Brian. Since they aren't actual Rangers Francis might be wise to use these to avoid confusion with trained Rangers. This JRR hat is great for all around pretend cop work without scaring off the bad guys.

Reckless Ranger

MAC daddy

Bruce is seen here rakishly sporting a crocheted headpiece slightly 'cocked' to the side that some people might think is silly. Clearly Bruce figures once Tom is outta the picture he'll get more 'quality time' with Francis, nudge nudge wink wink say no more, and with a hat like that getting dates should be no problem.

Pseudo Trooper

Trooper hats are cool too, only its the same deal as with the Ranger hat, Francis just doesn't have the proper training to wear this hat and that could present a serious liability to the county if he tried to act like a real cop.

Incognito

Tom Carter struts down the catwalk in this self-designed hat for undercover work when Francis wants to hang out in Upperlake with his bestest friend and go unnoticed. The Incognito is made of the freshest of local flora and can be smoked just as soon as it dries out. We're told these hats are medicinal as well.

Can't hear you!

Here's a really useful hat for Francis, this hat covers the ears so Francis can't hear people laughing at him. The Can't hear you is also great for muffling the sound of gunfire in case you get caught in a gunfight with other cops.