Fruitless Shrubs and Nightcrawlers

Some things just never produce anything useful.

Even a freaking lowly earthworm can pinch a loaf that has a positive benefit.

Take the whole pot growing deal for example and let's contrast and compare the earthworm to the efforts of the growers.

Hey! Shut the damn door!

Big growers like Don, John, Tom, Dick and Harry make as though they are gonna squeeze off something tangible every time they show up to see the Soup.

They drop their drawers and talk your ear off but all they ever really do is 'file a motion' without completing the agreed upon deal.

Sometimes it looks like they're trying but all they can seem to manage is to fart and clear the room.

I knew a guy that used to think that was funny until the time he did it in a closed up car on a hot day and turned his pants into a strainer.

The big growers don't really want to actually fertilize the situation with anything that could be useful since they know that would mean they'd have to follow some rules so everytime it looks like somebody is gonna make some rules they make sure to show up with all the pachouli reeking dirtbags they can find to stand behind in case the shooting starts.

Then you got your earthworm. Earthworms dont stink like pachouli oil and they can stand by their decisions like the took the advice of that county dude Coal. He says decisions should be decisivecisions or something and the spelunkers couldn't agree more even if we don't know what that means.

Maybe the Waffler knows.

Big growers know that if a decisivecision happens their gonna have to follow some rules and it's gonna change the way they get to spend their dough and that's not a decisivecision they can really get behind.

They'd have to let Unc Sam know where the beamer and the house come from so they show up at all the meetings to make sure nothing actually gets done. Like filling potholes or whatever.

Then you got the earthworm burrowing along minding its own business and poopin' out some serious product that's probably even legal with the federal government.

If the fed could criminalize number two it probably would but the earthworm crawls around in that gray area of the law and gets all the credit and profit for what it's doing because of lack of government oversight.

I suppose if the g-people would get their act together they'd impose some regulations on earthworms and tax 'em til it hurt. 

The other cool thing an earthworm can do is fishing but these local asswipe growers can't seem to produce anything that isn't toxic. Which reminds me, just the other day I found out there's some kinda forest beastie called the fisher that the growers are killing.

So they aren't just not producing stuff, they are killing stuff I've never even heard of - like the fisher.

Keep out, dangerous peach.

I guess thats worse than one of those stupid ornamental fruit trees. Those Peach Surprise Cocktails you were looking forward to never happened after you spent all that time growing 99 peach trees on that empty lot you own.

But it ain't because the DEA ripped em out.

Surprise - no freaking peaches on ornamental peach trees so you wind up getting soused on rum and tripping over those sacks of potting soil you never did remember to put away.

Flailing around trying to combat the nastier side effects of gravity with your head sailing right into the trunk of one of those stupid fruitless wonders you think to yourself 'at least these stupid peach trees didn't kill the neighborhood pets.'

Who goes fishing in the forest anyway?

Supposedly it's some kinda rat and I haven't got a clue why they call it a fisher but nobody asked me when they were naming it. If they had I'd probably name it Merrill since that's some kinda rat too.