Think Outside the Soup Box

Some people have all the luck. Seems some gal over at the jail that francis didn't like got the boot but since the boot was laced wrong or something she's gonna get her gig back. I've never had that kinda luck. Rehired on a technicality or something.

From what I can tell from the long story place francis fired her for something that was none of his business or something so she got a lawyer and went and kicked francis in the nuts like a champ.

Damn that dude gets kicked there a lot.

If I were him I'd get myself some serious protection like a titanium codpiece or whatever.

I guess what happened is the gal liked working at the jail so much she didn't really care if francis fired her since nobody likes him anyway so she got her lawyer and they had some kinda meeting where some other guy was supposed to tell her to pack her stuff but didn't because francis didn't show up to tell her to pack her stuff. Maybe that's not exactly how it went but all those words made my head hurt so I got some ice cream to fix it but then got one of those messed up ice cream headaches on top. Corn dogs and mustard did the trick.

Then francis got really mad because the soup told him since he didn't show up at that other meeting he'd have to give that gal her job back. Supposedly francis didn't go to that meeting because he doesn't want to admit he's not real good with the facts, liar my dad calls it, and just stayed home screwing around with his propaganda blog instead.

And francis figured he could always get some Rid from the superstore and fix those lice that have been bothering him. Or was it writ?

So francis went to see the county lawyer gal and she told him he was in kind of a pickle since the soup had already made their decision and they get the last say on that stuff. So then he figured he could go back to the soup and see if they'd let him spend some money to get a lawyer to make them change their minds. francis really, really needs a lawyer.

Way outside the thinking box.

After he mulled it over and remembered what happened the last time he asked the soup to get him a lawyer he changed his mind again and cracked out his special, different thinking, non-county issued laptop, plugged it into the county tube thing to figure out how to do it himself. francis is good at thinking different so pretty quick he came up with a plan.

Since he couldn't get the county to pay for his law paper stuff he had to do it on a budget so he downloaded some forms from elcheapofantasylegalkitsforfrancisandotherasswipes.blogspot.com to fill out and make his worries go away.

Now all he has to do is find a judge to hear him out.

Dicovering Self Doubt

Remember that time you tried to impress the cool girl at the party by beer bonging a half a gallon of malt liquor and telling her how fine she was?

Do your friends suck too?

How surprised you were that that girl didn't want to get to know you better after you gurgled something stupid and hurled malt liquor all over her shoes before you passed out in a pile of puke?


Then you found out what assholes your "friends" are.

It helped you learn your limitations and approach stuff a little differently, didn't it?

Seems some folks don't experience that sort of essential, transcendent vision quest early in life and are doomed to walk their path thinking they really can do whatever they set their mind to. Just like with all those other classes you skipped, you get to do a make up.

Those folks get the lesson later on in life.

Problem is, the older you get the harsher the lessons can be, you can forget waking up in a cooling pile of vomit when you were a kid since you were probably blacked out anyway but the stuff that happens later - that stuff sticks with you.

Francis is in the process of learning that lesson, maybe its because the cool girls never talked to him in the first place or maybe it has something to do with having a lawyer for a dad. Whatever the reason, it looks like his make up class is coming around.

Francis used to get by doing whatever the hell he wanted and when somebody had a problem with it he'd call em a racist and go along his merry way.


That happened in Frisco when he decided he wasn't getting his share of corpses and it made it hard for him to pursue his passion of burning people.

So he painted a Nazi symbol on his locker and started a big fuss about racism that got everyone's attention. Kinda like when somebody painted a Nazi symbol on the road down in Middletown that time.

This time around on the tax dollar merry go round francis's only soup fan couldn't get even get him 1 large to help pay for his lawyer bff but that's not enough for his lawyer bff to buy a new suit with anyway so that guy is probably thinking francis is a dick and didn't really have the lock on the deal he said he did.

Stuff isn't the same like it was before though or maybe its the same but different kinda since francis seems to be gettin' a dose of the reality check thing and it's a pricey remedy for what ails us.

The Piggy Bank

The local tradition of recognizing girlscouts, and girlscout cookies, was observed by the soup and everybody had a great time and got their picture taken. In a small twist, the girl scout pictures will also reveal a guy with a mustache as part of the group. The cave thinks thas great because over here we oppose discrimination in all forms and we really, really, really like cookies.

Mmmm Cookie

Especially the thin mint ones with the chocolate on the outside and the green goodness on the inside.

Then the tradition continued and another girl scout with a mustache came back to keep on begging for a handout from the taxpayers to help him pay for his friend to sue the county. That didn't go as smoothly as francis hoped and he wound up not getting anything from the piggy bank again even though one of the soup tried really hard to help him get some of the loot.

Brian's mom offered two things to give money to francis' attorney but nobody did the other part so those things didn't go anywhere.


Everybody else voted to let francis go ahead and get his own lawyer.

But that wasn't the interesting part. The interesting part came later when Donny DA tried to crack the piggy bank for some super dooper secret squirrel spy stuff he wants that lets him snoop on cell phones. At first it seemed like a normal thing where he has a tool he needs for stuff and so the soup buys it for him so he can do the public safety thing better.

Not everybody wants Donny DA to have that super dooper secret squirrel spy stuff though. Turns out francis decided Donny DA was trying to use some of his allowance for that stuff and doesn't want to make any cracks in the piggy bank. But then Donny DA showed the soup how that part of the piggy bank really is for super dooper secret squirrel spy stuff for him.

francis still didn't like it, almost like he didn't want super dooper secret squirrel spy stuff for people that might use it on him.

Soup Jeff said that all the chefs get together to decide this stuff just like always so he was confused why francis didn't know that it was okay for Donny DA to have the super dooper secret squirrel spy stuff. Seems soup Jeff doesn't know that francis quit going to the chefs meeting things.

Or maybe he did.

I guess there were a couple of people there who don't seen the purpose in super dooper secret squirrel spy stuff if it could be pointed at them.

A big backyard

Seems some kinda courty judgemental ruling thing has the local pot heads in an excited state. They're all juiced up because some court decided they can't shut down pot stores just because they are a nuisance.

Too many sparks.

But I don't recall anybody saying the pot stores are a nuisance.

Far as I'm concerned a nuisance is when the exhaust pipe deal on the Yo mobile falls off that coat hanger I used to fix it and starts draggin on the road as I'm scooting down the road at full blown ramming speed.

Happens to everyone.

Noisy and kinda sparky like when you take a grinder to some kids bike lock when he's not looking. Big orange showers of sparks shooting out from under the Yo mobile on a hot summer day look cool for sure but for whatever reason the police cops always take a dim view.

That's why its a nuisance.

Startin' to look like the pot stores might get to open back up again and the police cops won't do jack to them but they always seem to spot my sparks. Course the pot stores have to be at the pot factory or they can't be pot stores.

Shopping trip!

I figure that's a good idea since it means those guys will get to have big backyards on the one hand and on the other it'll be real easy for the folks that don't want to grow but want to harvest anyway to figure out where the big grows are.

That should cut down on the freakin' epidemic of home invasions which is good since that was risky and now you can just look up the address and do the old google map to figure out a good time to pay a visit.