Never be Afeared Agin

Used to be us lake living types had all sorts of stuff to worry bout. These days its all good though ever since Francis has been around to save us from the scary things other places have.

Like Saber Tooth tigers, f'rinstance.

Pretend Saber Tooth Tiger

I haven't seen a single Saber Tooth tiger since Francis has been taking care of business. There's lots of other threats we don't see too much of either.

Misfit doorjambs cower at the thought of his big 'ol gun, no space aliens at all and even the volcano hasn't erupted once since francis has been on the job.

And if you are a pot smoking kid looking to score a fat three gram sack you better think twice since duh Sharuf will make sure you get your ass kicked on a regular basis and that every other kid at school knows your a snitch.

He'll make it so your house gets egged or some flaming poop waits on the doorstep.

And your folks can blame it all on you.

If your even dumber and try to turn that kid on you can bet your boots somebody will get their car jacked by that guy in the forest ranger outfit.

Pretend flaming bag 'o poop

Best of all, we don't have to worry about pretend motorcyclers not coming anywhere near the county. Don't worry about the ones you do see since Francis is only here to protect us from the imaginary ones.

He's even protecting us from that stupid old Constitution deal so we can sleep safe knowing that Francis has snipers out on the hills around the county looking out for phantom bikers. Who wants to extend Constitutional privilege to ghost bikers anyway?

Take that Federal Government!

Now Donny DA, he kinda missed the point. Just because Francis went down to stop the pretend bikers and halt traffic on the highway why should that be any big deal since how can you violate the rights of people that dont exist? I don't really get that part but supposedly it has something to do with intent.

Who cares what the plan was, it was a great time for everybody except maybe those guys that nearly wet themselves in a three car smashup on the way to the pretend party. Francis should file an IA on those guys to find out why they were going so fast to get there.