Stockboy Missing, Possibly Forgotten

The leader of Francis' propaganda blog has gone missing and is believed to be vacant. Known to most as Asswipe, Bruce the blogger hasn't been seen for weeks. He was last seen scratching his groin and stocking feminine hygiene products at a local market.

No search has been suggested as nobody really misses asswipes when they go missing.

When reached for comment, Francis cursed, took a long draw from a bottle containing a foul-smelling brown fluid and wiped his mouth on his sleeve before stating "asswipe's are what makes this county strong. If it weren't for that asswipe I'd have to do all the posting on my blog. I don't think Tom will have much time for this going forward."

At the local market where asswipe was last seen a climate of jubilation clung to the air like some sort of holiday cheer. The owner of that establishment ruminated over the loss of his stockboy "I can't believe my luck, it's not as easy firing people as it used to be so that asswipe really did me a favor."

Possible suspect in missing asswipe case.

Local detectives have been unable to gain traction on any leads that might indicate what happened to the asswipe but are focusing on this photograph.

 "Something about this guy doesn't add up so we're keeping an eye on him," the detective said, "Honestly, I'd rather chew tinfoil than work this case."

Anyone with information regarding the missing asswipe are welcome to call Francis on his cell phone.