Francis' Golden Shovel Award

Lots of talk lately about what Francis isn't doing so well at his new job and the spelunkers crew think a lot of folks have missed his greatest talent.

Francis in his favorite hole

All those gaffs, foibles and screwups combined with the fact that he can't open his mouth without lying about something indicates Francis has a hidden talent that should be recognized. So we decided to ask some people if they have an opinion on his innate abilty to dig a deeper hole for himself.

Francis can't shut up and that's his key shortcoming, he just doesn't know when he's said too much, he even got himself a radio show so he could broadcast his sharpest character flaw to all four listeners of idiot-point-one. They seem to really like it though so they call in and praise him for the precise things he's screwed up.

Maybe that is some kind of freakshow cathartic deal where losers who can't get it right see him as a hero of the unsung asswipe. Rarely do people in law enforcement champion criminals and clearly there is a demographic that likes that kinda thing.

Golden Shovel award

So Francis gets out there with his shovel and keeps on digging as though he thinks at some point he'll emerge in an alternate universe where the crap he pulls is acceptable. Or maybe Francis wants to join the spelunkers but doesn't have a cave.


We asked Donny DA what he thought about Francis and his shovelling prowess. DA Donny only said "hey all I'm doing is trying not to interrupt him."

Then we overheard a brief converstion between Francis and his mom "Fraaaaancis, time to come in for some num nums! Put down the shovel for a bit and try to climb out of that pit honey - your little friends Tommmy and Brucey will be here soon."

"I can't stop now mommy," Francis shouted from the bottom of his pit," I just know there's a bone in here someplace - I was watching the dog and saw him come out here when he was supposed to be crapping on the neighbor's lawn so he must have left a bone for me in here. I'm gonna file an IA and try to get that dumb dog to tell me where he hid it!"

We decided to stick around and see what happened when Tommy and Brucey showed up and after a bit Tommy arrived alone. "Hey Francis, 420 dude, let's burn one! Any chance I can use that pit? I've got some product I need to grow someplace and those damn Feds just won't leave me alone," Tommy asked. "Brucey couldn't come out and play today because he messed his pants again and didn't have anything clean to put on. So he's gonna stay at the trailer do some deletin'."

Francis missed num-nums that night and it was getting dark but he was still digging away like a mole on crack, his voice getting fainter way down there in this pit trying to find a bone while his dog is sitting up on the porch gnawing away at it. Should we tell him where the bone is or let him keep on digging?