The Inside Spelunker

The spelunkers have some major news to share with everyone.

The biggie is that Muabladar has completed his covert op and returned with some serious poop on Francis. Seems that Francis is really paranoid lately and doesn't know who to trust and who might be a double agent.

Sadly for Francis he mistook Muabladar for a mindless drone with a thick accent when all the while Muabladar was taking notes and keeping a close watch on Francis from his post at the jail. Lucky Muabladar got himself a cool gig out at the county hostel and was able to get the real goods directly from the source.


The best part is he gets to keep some of the cool shwag he confiscates during those cavity searches.

After peeping on Francis for months and trying to figure out where Francis kept all the really juicy stuff he noticed that Francis always wears long sleeved shirts and scribbles a lot on his palm. Now that might not seem all that odd but it captured Muabladar's imagination so he crept around trying to get a glimpse up Francis' shirt sleeve without arousing suspicion and shake hands with him a lot to try to get a legible transfer.

The backup plan was to pretend to admire Francis' watch if he noticed Muabladar staring at his shirt sleeves. It worked, Francis really likes it when somebody thinks he made a good decision.

Francis never caught on so Muabladar was able to snoop inside Francis shirt cuffs and noticed some odd looking markings. Best we can tell Francis keeps his deepest darkets secrets scrawled on his forearms in blood. At least that's what Muabladar said.

Once he realized he wasn't just seeing some kinda nasty infection or psoriasis Muabladar started memorizing the letters and making an exact duplicate on his own forearm to bring back to the cave. So then Muabladar had to start wearing long sleeves too otherwise Francis might catch on to the espionage.

Eventually Muabladar had gleaned what he could from Francis' arm and he brought it back here to the cave where we all gasped in horror at the blemishes all over Muabladar's arms.

Who coulda guessed Muabladar was allergic to certain types of ink?

To preserve the message on Muabladar's arm the spelunkers copied all the scribbling on his arm onto his back.

Then his back broke out too and so we had to write that stuff down on a piece of paper. It's pretty amazing how much easier it is to read stuff when it isn't being all oozed up with gooey puss from some nasty allergic reaction.

Finally we had the piece of paper and we put it up on the projector so we could all sit around and learn what could be so secret Francis would scrawl it in blood on his arm.

As we all shared some popcorn sprinkled with a light touch of salt and soaked in some kinda buttery stuff we gazed in awe at the message on the cave wall.  It was Francis' list of New Years resolutions.

Here's the list:
1) Crush all my enemies
2) Put back on some weight so people can't tell I'm sick
3) Bondo that dent in my forehead
4) Find a new Girlfriend without kids this time
5) Buy a notepad
6) Get Phil's nose outta my sphincter
7) Find Phil a deaf and blind girlfriend with a weak olfactory sense (broken nose?)
8) Figure out who is spying on me
9) Quit saying stupid shit on the radio (this is a tough one)
10) Convince people that its okay to not have enough cops on the street
11) Spend more time with Mommy (Olga)